Fairy Genocide

Every time someone spells the word definItely, definAtely, somewhere, a fairy falls down, dead. Based on the number of times I've seen this misspelled on Facebook alone, we have the genocide of millions of tiny, winged creatures on our hands.

To make sure you never commit this atrocity again, let's first think about how you SAY the word. If someone asks you if Donald Trump would be a silly choice for President, which of the following is how your response would sound...
"definATely!" or "definITely!"......?
I really hope you chose the second option, because if not, then you sound like a dummy.

Define, definition, finite, infinite, infinitely, DEFINITE, DEFINITELY!

Notice how in all of the above similar words, there is not an A in sight. This is not coincidence. They share a root and have related meanings. Please don't use an A in any of these words ever again, for the love of all that is holy! Tinkerbell thanks you in advance for your cooperation. Now start clapping and chanting, "I do believe in fairies!" and maybe we can undo some damage.

There, Their, They're

‎
There -    answers the age old question: where?
                (note how they're even spelled similarly! revolutionary.) 

Their -     is an indicator of ownership. The voices made me do it. It is THEIR fault.

They're - is a contraction, otherwise known as putting two words together to make
                a new word. use this when you want to use the words THEY ARE, but are 
                too lazy, and decide to use a different word made up of exactly the same 
                number of characters (although, verbally this is syllabically valid).

Their! I bet now everyone with have an easier time with they're Facebook posts! I bet there other friends and family will be impressed!  ;) 

If you know why the above sentence is totally incorrect, then you have been paying attention! Go you. 

Its and It's

Many people find this to be the most confusing apostrophe rule to remember. Mostly that is because an apostrophe followed by an "s" is used to show ownership when it follows a proper name. I will give you that much. But the rule is actually very simple, so stop whining. It goes a little something like this:

Use IT'S whenever you can say IT IS instead.
Use ITS whenever you can't.

Gee, HOW complicated. Let's look at some examples:

I am going to have a drink right now because IT'S after 10 a.m. somewhere! This works because I could also say, I am going to have a drink right now because IT IS after 10 a.m. somewhere!

Let's consider this sentence: At around 9:30 a.m., her alcoholism reared IT'S ugly head. This would be INCORRECT because you would not ever say, ...her alcoholism reared IT IS ugly head. At least I hope you wouldn't, because otherwise, we are in bigger trouble than I thought.

IT'S pretty easy, right? Even the lizard sunning ITSelf on my patio can wrap ITS mind around the concept, so I feel confident that you can too!